Frustration....

I haven't posted in a week because my weight has been fluctuating - really making me frustrated!!. I've kept up with my workouts and will be starting week 4 of my marathon training program tomorrow (I'm a couple days behind but will catch up by skipping the extra rest days during some weeks).

My job is going ok - I just really hate having to deal with changing people's briefs and wiping people. Some of the patients are really low level and in my opinion shouldn't even be in rehab. Last time I checked, wiping somebody's butt wasn't OT - teaching somebody to wipe their OWN butt is. I'll keep my eyes peeled for an opening at BayMed or Mid-Michigan....in the meantime I'll get good experience where I'm at. Who knows, maybe I can speak up and help to make some changes at this place - I'm definitely good at speaking up!!

Scheduling...

Tomorrow will complete week 1 of the new job. I'm still getting used to the schedule and am exhausted after work. I quit my massage job last night - what a relief. Tonight I'm feeling really worn out, probably due to the new schedule, job demands, etc. I had good intensions of running tonight, but think I may just head to bed early instead. My weight was at 183.0 this morning. I miss my morning snack at work due to the busy workload. I've also been forgetting to bring my water bottle with me. Hopefully next week will go better.

I'm behind in my training schedule now due to not working out this week so far, but I'll catch up. I'm just really tired. I know that once my body gets used to the new schedule and I feel more comfortable at work, my fatigue will go away. At least I don't have to run to a 2nd job anymore!!

New job

Well, I'm 2 days into my new job!! I work 7-3:30 so I'm still adjusting to my new schedule. I've also kept my massage clients for now which really stinks. I hate running from one job to the next and it tires me out at night, leaving me with no motivation to work out. Yesterday was a rest day, so it was no big deal. Tonight, however, I was supposed to run and decided not to due to my fatigue. So I think that I will quit my massage job as soon as possible so that I can actually enjoy my life and feel more relaxed.

My weight hasn't budged much - but I'm feeling better with the exercise and have been really good about watching my foot intake. Once I get used to this new schedule and stop working at night everything should fall into place!

2nd week complete

I weighed myself this morning and was not happy....I guess those 3 martinis I had last night didn't help my cause much. Stephen and I went out to the Stables to relax yesterday evening. I'm hoping that I'm just retaining water right now - tomorrow is a new day! I completed all of my workouts for the week, ran 6 miles this morning for my long run. Tomorrow begins week 3 of training :) No problems with my feet so far - I've been using lemongrass essential oil on them 1-2x/week which promotes soft tissue healing.

I start my new job tomorrow morning! I'm really excited to begin - and ready for a normal daily routine again. I've still got massage clients scheduled right now - I don't want to drop those just yet, not until I know for sure that I passed my board exam. So it will sort of stink having to run from one job to the next for the next couple of weeks - but I've done it before and can do it again.

I know I'm burning a crapload of calories when I exercise - so I just have to be patient with my weight loss. And I think my hormones are still adjusting right now too.

Hmm..

Well, my weight is back up a little to 182.2. I can't really figure that out - I've been doing all of my workouts and eating every 3 hours like I should. I've also been watching what I eat and trying to get in more protein. Guess I'll just keep at it, it's gotta come off at some point!

Still no word on the exam - I'm going to call NBCOT this morning to see what the story is. I was worried yesterday when i checked the scoring calendar and the 15th was no longer circled. I hope this is because they update it when the scoring date hits - but there is a disclaimer stating that they can change scoring dates without notice. I really hope this isn't the case. I'm set to begin work on Monday!

Stephen and I are going to sit down with someone this evening to draw up our house plans. Finally!!! I don't know what he's going to do with himself every night without having those plans to fiddle with - he's been making changes here and there for the past year! We've resolved our issue from earlier in the week, or at least come to a concensus of how to better handle disputes.

If you are interested in taking a look at my training log - I use Runnersworld.com and here's the link. It graphs my runs and if you scroll to the bottom, you can see my crosstraining activities as well.

http://traininglog.runnersworld.com/logs/2b62feec724a47b7a018e2bae3af15b0

Angry

During my last 2 runs, I've felt a tremendous amount of anger at everything in my life. So I guess it's good that I run - it helps me work it all out. I'm angry at the way my husband handles our disputes; I'm angry that despite my efforts of trying to resolve things with him, it never makes a difference; I'm angry at the timing of the conflict - right now things are supposed to be looking up! I'm angry that i can't work in the setting that I want because the pay is too crappy in this area; I'm also angry about my own indecisiveness (about a lot of things). That's all I have to say about my anger - if I go into detail, it will just make me more angry!

On the up side - I'm down to 180.6 this morning. I've run 9 miles so far this week.

I'm pretty sure that I'll be able to start work as soon as I receive confirmation that I've passed the exam - so could be as early as next week. I do have jury duty starting the 20th though, so not sure if that will delay me. Hopefully I won't get picked for a jury!

Plugging away

I didn't weigh myself this morning. This weekend was really stressful with the exam and although I don't feel that I blew my diet, I definitely wasn't as strict as I wanted to be. I also missed my long run over the weekend, so I will have to double up on workouts this week.

I ran 5 miles today (my long run this week) and felt oddly dizzy during the entire run. Not sure what's going on with that ?! I went to the podiatrist this morning and she fixed up a couple of my toenails. I had another one fall off (gross). My poor little toes have had some major trauma the past 6 months! I plan on buying a new pair of running shoes after I start my job. I'm still wearing my Asics, which are ok - but I never got black toenails until this pair of shoes. I also found out today via xray that I have a bone spur on my left big toe - just the news I wanted to hear when I've started my marathon training again... The doc gave me a silicone sleeve to put over my toe during runs. I used it today and it felt fine - so hopefully it will do the trick to prevent the spur from hurting me any further.

I'm glad that the exam is over, but am having severe anxiety about the results. Everyone is reassuring me that I must have passed - but I'm still not so sure myself. I'll keep praying. In the meantime I hope that my weight continues to drop little by little - I feel and look like crap right now. I'm very uncomfortable in my clothes and I hate it. I'd like to be under 180 by the end of the week. With the training on my schedule and good food in the house, shouldn't be a problem.

Off to a good start

I weighed in this morning at 181.8, so after 4 days of dieting and exercise I've lost 2.6lbs. Not bad so far! The eating part is going really well. I've done great at eating every 3 hours. I haven't missed a workout yet. I have to run 5 miles tomorrow morning before my exam - but I'm going to see how I feel and may put that off until Sunday.

Stephen brought home my favorite girl scout cookie last night since I had been studying for 8 hours! I was good and only ate 2 (he ate the rest of the box...LOL)

I also took the plunge and registered for the Bayshore marathon in May. I'm excited to run another marathon and Traverse City is a beautiful place to be :) Hopefully I can convince Stephen to go with me again this year. Wine tasting after a race is a nice reward!

Day 2

My weight was down today - 183.2. So I'd consider day one a success :) Today went well too! I did 30 minutes of yoga which relieved my aching back. I took in a little over 1400 calories today and succeeded in eating every 3 hours.

Stephen sent me for a massage this evening due to my ridiculously high stress level. He is also being super supportive of me preparing for this exam and is doing his best to take any pressure off of me.

I've spent most of the day trying to relax my brain and take in as much information out of my study guide as possible. It's so hard for me to concentrate lately. I'm just praying that all of my knowledge will come back to me on Saturday morning...

Day one

Today has gone pretty well. I woke up later than I wanted to, but got in quite a bit of studying for Saturday's exam and ran 3.5 miles. My diet went just fine...I haven't felt hungry at all which is definitely a good thing. I took in a little over 1200 calories today. I weighed in this morning at the heaviest I've been in my entire life - 184.4. How totally depressing. And the weird thing is that I put that weight on fast...it's only been 2 1/2 months. I have no idea if the fact that I went of my BC has anything to do with it because I still ate like crap.

I have set goals to be back to my norm of 170 by march and hopefully reach 150 by May. I'll be following the Marathoning for mortals training program and eating a good balance of protein/carbs every 3 hours. I know the diet will work - the last time I did it I lost 16lbs. Of course with my training program I will incorporate weight training and yoga for my cross training options. I didn't do this last year and made all sorts of excuses for it. I need to get some of my military determination running through my blood again....what has happened to me? I don't feel like myself at all. I miss my old self. I used to be so driven that nothing would stand in my way - and I mean nothing. I also used to be really spiritual - where has that gone?

I can't wait for this exam to be done. I am so stressed out that my hair has been falling out in clumps the past few weeks! I'll know my results on Jan 16th. By the way - I am so tired of saying "when I get through this, or after that...things will be better" What a bunch of bullshit. Things only get better when you decide to make them better yourself, through your own actions.

I feel good about today, and if the old Julie has anything to say about it - tomorrow will be even better.

It starts with one step...

Well, I've taken the plunge and started my own blog. Now I just have to figure out who to share this with. I wanted to document the coming year's journey. I have big plans to start my career, run 2 more marathons, and build a home...not to mention the possibility of starting a family (I haven't quite got that decision made yet). Tomorrow begins my annual diet and training program...ugh. Why is it that every year starts with same deprivation?

2008 was a bittersweet year. I ran my first marathon, but battled nagging foot injuries. I graduated with my Masters, but gained 15 pounds. I did get to develop great friendships with a few fantastic and supportive people in Bay City (finally). It brought the birth of my adorable nephew Jeremiah, and the death of my wonderful cousin Carrie. 2008 was also the first full calendar year of my marriage. Due to all of the stressors in my life, it was a rough year. When people say marriage is a lot of work - they aren't lying. It probably doesn't help that both Stephen and I are as stubborn as you can get. Hopefully we'll make it through building the house without taking each other fishing...